I’m going to be really honest here for a second and let you in on a little secret. I haven’t felt like myself lately. I didn’t want to write, take pictures, do my hair, or even get out of bed. So today, I’m going to tell you what’s been going on and how I turned it around.
So here’s the deal…
I’ve been comparing myself to others and letting it bring me down. Everyone has looked skinnier, prettier, has better makeup, a better blog header, better lighting for YT, etc. Literally, I haven’t been happy with anything from my outfit to my hair to my job. So rather the continuing to feel negatively towards everything, I decided to make some changes.
I started with myself…
I knew the reason that I was feeling down on my physical appearance was due to the fact that I hadn’t been working out or eating well. I usually eat pretty clean – make all my meals except the occasional pizza joint or visit to Panera Bread. But up until I’m writing this, for the last month or so, I had been doing some serious snacking and over-eating. So I reigned that in by planning my snacks better for work, as well as my other meals.
I also got back into my gym routine – I go at least 3 days a week – nothing crazy! I try to do some cardio since I have a desk job, as well as some lifting. *Let me just hop on my soapbox real quick – One of the most important things I’ve ever been taught when it comes to fitness is – DON’T BE AFRAID TO LIFT HEAVY! A lot of women are afraid to lift heavy weights because they don’t want to look bulky and ripped like a typical meathead guy… yeah, that won’t happen because you’re not eating like 5,000 calories a day and spending every waking minute in the gym… mk?! Okay, rant over!*
Next was my job…
I was having a crisis of whether I really was enjoying my job and if I wanted to continue this as my career. And the thing is, I really do love my job, but lately there has been some cattiness with some women at work (literally twice my age) which is very frustrating. Also, my commute has doubled since school got back in session – sometimes I spend like 3 hours in my car each day – to drive maybe 35 miles roundtrip. Yeah. Super frustrating. I wish they would let me work from home… which is probably not ever going to happen. I envy those who work from home or have their own company and can set their own hours. But I took a few minutes to count my blessings and be at peace with where I am. I work hard and have great benefits at my job. There’s definitely more ups than downs, and I’m making an active choice going further to not let my co-workers make me dislike my job. I worked really hard to get to where I am, and I’m going to keep kicking ass at it.
Then My Blog and My Youtube
This is where I let my inner badass out. Because what I seemed to let myself forget over the past few months is this: It doesn’t matter if my lighting isn’t perfect if my film quality isn’t perfect if I can’t publish something on the date I wanted. I’m not a professional. This is a hobby and something I enjoy doing. I love learning new techniques and am always striving to leave a better-published post or video, but at the end of the day, I’m doing this for me. It’s what I enjoy. I’m not doing this for anyone other than myself. I do like sharing my opinions with other people, but I’m doing this because it’s something I enjoy. I love to write; I love photography; and, I love editing.
Time to Re-focus
I have to remind myself daily of these positive thoughts, which sounds a little corny, but the more I think about something, the more I believe in it. On top of that, managing a job, small social life, blog, YT channel, workout schedule, and staying caught up with reading and my Netflix shows is hard. That’s a lot, especially when you want like 8 hours of sleep every night. I have to remember to treat myself – buy new makeup or take a bath and light some candles. It’s important to take care of your body and mind, and remember to step back and relax. I’m going to focus on the things I enjoy, cut out the negativity, and go in a more positive direction.
So this re-found pride in my work and in myself led me to re-name my blog and step up my game. I’m no longer going to worry about pushing out posts/videos, but instead, I’m really going to put the time and energy into making sure I love what I publish. I re-named my site – changed up the colors/theme style and have a different vision and direction.
Thank you to my subscribers who have hung around and have been with me through all of my name changes/site changes and still read and reach out to me about my posts/vids. I really appreciate you all and all of your feedback.
There are some big things coming.